Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Not Be A Feminist

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Nothing unites the world more than their mutual hatred for feminists. 

Let’s dig in the top 5 reasons everyone hates feminists and why you should never ever make the cardinal sin of being one. Let us explore the failures of feminism together.

1. Feminists are ugly inside-out

Have you seen feminists close-up, especially at night, without any makeup on? 

Rumour has it that they turn into these levitating witches who dance stark naked, trampling over dead male bodies around the bonfire under the full-moon sky. When done dancing, they drink the blood of poor innocent men, rip open and eat their hearts out

That explains why all feminists are ugly AF consumed with rage 24*7. 

2. Feminists are a bunch of frustrated women with sad lives 

Feminists have miserable domestic lives and are out to ruin yours too. 

Can you beat it that feminists have their husbands serving them breakfast in bed and helping them change their baby’s diapers? Which self-respecting woman would turn their husbands into effeminate domestic maids? 

Feminist women make their in-laws prepare and serve their own meals. Which good dutiful woman would allow other family members to take ownership of their domestic duties? 

And which woman in their right frame of mind would not want to be a fucking domestic goddess with multiple limbs holding the prized jhaadu, pocha, bartan, and all that jazz? I mean, really, c’mon! 

Feminist women with such nice, loving husbands and families leave them after a single slap and preach divorce. Talking of divorce leads us to the next important reason. 

3. Feminist women are gold-diggers 

This is paradoxical because it’s a strong reason why you should be a feminist. Who doesn’t need money?

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. But not for feminists, as their skewed morality doesn’t permit them to have anything to do with blood diamonds.

So, feminists go digging for gold instead. 

Since men have control of nearly all the property in the world, it pays for feminists to become honey trappers, get married, divorced, and receive fat alimony. Or find a sugar daddy. 

Unless you are desperate to enroll in the feminist’s get-rich-quick scheme and become wealthy, please don’t become one of those feminist gold digger types

4. Feminists want to smoke, drink, wear short clothes, and have sex freely

If you’re wondering what is feminism, here’s the 101:

“Feminism is nothing but shameless propaganda for women to smoke cigarettes and weed, drink alcohol, wear short clothes, and have sex with whomever and whenever they want.”

It’s a man’s world, and we need to respect that these privileges are reserved only for poor, hard-working men, not for the hardly working unpaid other 50% of the world

How dare the feminists claim equal rights over men’s pleasures and vices? How dare feminists think and behave like men? Of course, the world will judge them for it.

Women are taken out of men’s ribs, and they ought to know their due place in the world. In the kitchen and the sacred room, fasting, interceding and praying for the wellbeing of their husband and children. 

5. Feminists are pseudo, good-for-nothing activists

When did the feminist movement start? What has feminism achieved to date? What good have feminists done for the world? 

Feminists have no other work but to disrupt the natural order of the world. It’s unnatural for women to have ambitions for themselves at the cost of their families. 

Had it not been for the feminist movement, women would have been happily making fresh hot meals in the kitchen every day, massaging the backs and feet of their tired husbands when they come back from work, birthing more children, and caring for the elders in the family. 

Why do women need to vote, go to school, workplace, and become financially independent when the men are perfectly capable of running the world? Why are feminists wasting women’s time? 

Why do feminists have their panties in a twist over the gender pay gap when they really should be bothered about the thigh gap? 

Why can’t these feminist types chill, dress up and enjoy the attention they get when they step outside from the men? The melodious catcalls in the street and getting paid for being seen as motivational eye-candy at the workplace. 

What more empowerment and feminism do these modern women need? 

Feminists should stop all this non-existential nonsense such as sexual consent, marital rape, or domestic abuse once and for all. 

If you are a feminist reading this, this is for you: 

Put on your aprons and get back to your fundamental duties in the kitchen right now. 

* I’m taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s My Friend Alexa.

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Tina Sequeira
Tina Sequeira is a marketer and moonlighting writer. She is passionate about tech, creativity, and social justice—dabbling in and writing about the same.

26 Comments

  1. Hmmm… good I don’t really consider myself a feminist… I wouldn’t really want to get into the kitchen and cook and clean… It is taken care of by the men in the house while I spend time with the kids…

  2. This post is an eye opener. I’m just in the process of cutting my clinical apron to convert into a lovely apron for the kitchen. 😝

    On a serious note, beautifully penned. It’s a pleasure to read such a well written satire.

  3. This is a different post altogether. Well, I never categorize myself into one but it’s interesting to read other’s opinions on the same.

  4. Loved the satire palpable throughout the article while pointing clearly at the misinformation around feminism.
    Enjoyed reading it

  5. There is nothing wrong to be a feminist. Feminism is all about equality and there is nothing wrong to ask one’s right to equality! I assume your post is written in sarcasm and I hope people understand the underlying meaning.

    • Hi Charu! Of course, it is sarcasm. I was inspired to write this post after seeing the massive trolling and sexist comments on leading Indian women empowerment online publications. Most don’t even read such well-penned and researched articles and post misogynistic rubbish to tarnish feminists trying to create a more inclusive world.

  6. Satire in the post is making the post more appealing and the truth about Feminist is not known to mant and each one assume the definition according to their convenience.

  7. That sarcasm! Those who can’t understand in simple words, this, surely will hit them hard. You go girl, love the way you play with words and expressions.

  8. I have read it about three times already.
    I can solemnly swear that I am upto no good in the kitchen :).
    Kudos to you and your pen for writing such an awesome , sarcastic, funny post!

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