A Woman’s Dummy Guide To The Sacred Swearing-In Rituals 


I had a virgin mouth, much longer than I’d lost my virginity. 

I’m cursed with a baby face and being the mother of a teenager hasn’t changed that. But, some people have the art of bringing the Annabelle out of me. I’ve had some cheeky people comment with no provocation that I’m not as innocent as I look. 

Having a baby face makes some people want to box you as innocent (read dumb). Imagine them being blown off their bums when the baby-face can think. OMG! And voice her opinions. OMG OMG OMG! Suddenly, baby-face is the bad b*&^#. 

 All I can say to them is life is pretty f*&^%$ up—so are we. 

P*&%$ Politics 

It’s not having a baby face that’s the curse. It’s having a baby face that comes with a p*&^%. 

It takes a man who can grab a woman by their pussy to run the world. The men can run naked, mouthing profanities against mothers, sisters, and sister-in-laws. Teri Ma Ki ****, B*******d. 

I’m torn between what’s worse: 

  • Slut shaming a woman for having a vagina which birthed these s*&^heads? 
  • Or erasing a woman’s identity and value by defining her because of her relationship with a man? Some man’s mother, sister, wife. 

Women are downgraded to being babies with p*&^%$# whom they can grab, swear, f&^%, and punch at will—A man’s adult sex-toy, basically! 

Toys are supposed to be cute, submissive, powerless, and almost worthless after a certain fertile window period. So, imagine the travesty when women own their bodies, especially their mouth and vagina, to reclaim their power. Not by being a mere insecure man, but being unapologetically a woman.

Say It Like Maheep Kapoor 

Yes, I just said it. If there’s one life-lesson you can take from “The Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives”, it’s this: Say it like Maheep Kapoor. 

I didn’t get the backlash about Maheep’s alleged foul mouth at all. How come men get away with saying The F-Word and worse, defamatory misogynist profanities in TV shows, movies, and real life?

Instead, we should probe:  

Why aren’t we worshipping Maheep Kapoor as a modern day goddess like Ma Kali? 

Maheep Kapoor has blessed the world by showing us how to swear the sacred way. 

F*&^ is a gender neutral word. It doesn’t abuse anyone and anything. It takes off the pretentious sacredness from a quotidian act called sex, that’s witnessed across the animal kingdom.

So, chant the “F-mantra” generously throughout the day for best results in all aspects of your life.


You may sound like a crazed chicken while chanting this holy mantra. But, I promise you, it’ll come in handy in different situations. 

Here are three examples.

  1. You can use the magic mantra on toxic people – your nosy neighbour, bully relative, cheeky coworker, or your overbearing boss. You could chant the “F-mantra” in your head, or to their face. Results can vary.
  2. Find a quiet spot in your home or the natural outdoors. Close your eyes, focus and meditate upon the negative emotions you want to drive away, such as anger, pride, or envy, and chant determinedly:


…Until you feel all the negative emotions flow through and out of your body, into the Universe.

  1. Who needs Viagra when you can talk dirty with the “F-mantra” and boost your love life? Try this mantra in-between the sheets for maximum fun with your partner. It can also help save humankind from extinction.

If you’re still not convinced, then you don’t have to say a word. I strongly recommend you take it to the maximum divinity level:

Do It Like Mahua Moitra.

(Disclaimer and Author’s Note: The aim of this article is not to promote obscenity, but rather to highlight the gender bias and perceptions. It’s also to look at things from a non-judgemental perspective. The idea for this satirical article came first when the 2016 US Presidential candidate Donald Trump made the infamous pussy grabbing statement. There was a public movement called “P&^%$ Grabs Back.” Again, I was inspired to write on this topic when Maheep Kapoor was criticised for using The F-Word and using the word ‘vagina’ on public television. This satirical piece is about gender bias for women and their use of profanity. It’s considered cool when men use profanity, and worse still, acceptable even when it’s misogynistic. Because, hey! Boys will be boys and it’s a hard life for them. Swearing is a way of releasing their emotions. But women are superhuman divine goddesses, right?)

*This post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon 2023

Default image
Tina Sequeira
Tina Sequeira is a marketer and moonlighting writer. She is passionate about tech, creativity, and social justice—dabbling in and writing about the same.

Leave a Reply