Shahid Kapoor shared his thoughts on marriage in an interview with Film Companion. He said he finally figured it (marriage) all out. Marriage is how a woman enters a man’s life to ‘fix’ him.
“This entire marriage thing is about one thing: is that the guy was a mess and the woman came in to fix him. So the rest of his life is going to be a journey of him getting fixed and becoming a decent person. That’s pretty much what life is about.”
But this is not the only problematic thing Kapoor said. When asked about which role of his, Mira Rajput, liked the best – actor or dad, he gave a not-so-funny answer. He said he’s not sure, but he’d hoped she liked some part of him. When prodded further on his role as a father, Shahid said, referring to his movie Bloody Daddy, that he was bloody and Mira was the daddy in their parenting roles. As if his thoughts on marriage weren’t archaic enough, he doubled down with his regressive thoughts on rigid parenting roles.
If you thought Shahid Kapoor couldn’t talk any further shit, well, he did. In what he thought was a clever way to promote his movie, he said it’s why he does movies like Bloody Daddy. Implying that in real life, he has to stay ‘fixed’ in his marriage and behave right. Well, talk about not taking any accountability for anything, be it marriage, parenting, or acting.
To modern Indian men like Shahid Kapoor, I have news for you.
Marriage is an equal partnership
Marriage is about equal partnership. It was never ever about women fixing men at all. If it were about women fixing men, then men would never marry women who were way younger than them. They would look for older, experienced women who could actually fix them.
Who is Shahid Kapoor fooling? Men like him marry women who are significantly younger than them because of many reasons. It’s easier to manipulate and control much younger and inexperienced women. They don’t threaten a man’s ego.
The only logical explanation I can find to Shahid Kapoor’s interpretation of his experience of marriage is sexual healing. In his case, he married a much younger woman and we all know how youth is equated to beauty for women. Other than sexual healing, I don’t understand how marrying a woman who’s not yet experienced the world can ‘fix’ a much older man.
What happens in reality is in the attempt to rehabilitate messed-up men, women end up losing their sanity, peace, and joy with all that emotional burden thrust upon them. That doesn’t sound like a prescription for a healthy marriage to me.
Anyway, there’s simply no excuse, whichever way you try to look at it. Marriage is not about women ‘fixing’ messed-up men. We have therapists to do that job for real.
Parenting is not a woman’s sole responsibility
It was common to hear men in the previous generations boast about how they left everything that’s domestic to their wives. Be it household chores, parenting responsibilities, and in some cases, even buying groceries, running odd errands, and paying up the bills. All these men did was escape to their offices from 9-to-5 and return home to a hearty warm meal while they drank to glory alone or with their friends.
Shahid Kapoor’s thoughts on parenting do not differ from the men of our previous generations. He called Mira Rajput the mummy and daddy in their parenting roles. Why do these men think it’s so cool to be the irresponsible or unaccountable father?
It’s a bigger tragedy when young women are clueless about how they’re taking on too much already in their pursuit of being a good wife. By the time they realise it, much water has passed under the bridge. A case in point is Mira Rajput’s infamous controversy on her thoughts on working mothers, or even her lack of understanding and appreciation for feminism.
“I am a housewife and wear that label with pride. I wouldn’t want to spend one hour a day with her and rush off to work. She is not a puppy. I want to be there for her as a mother.” Rajput got a lot of backlash with tweets such as “I’m a working woman and I’ve not raised my child as a puppy.”
Patriarchy pits one woman against the other. As it is, women have to deal with the working mom guilt, and it’s difficult juggling multiple responsibilities at once. The last thing they need to hear is a reinforcement of that working mom guilt.
While Mira Rajput has every right to make a choice and be a full-time housewife (in her own words), making passive-aggressive remarks about working mothers was insensitive. Also, can we end this pointless battle between homemakers and working moms once and for all?
On shying away from accountability as artists
What can I say about artists being irresponsible in their choice of roles? I’m not advocating playing only certain roles, but please don’t glorify misogyny and sexual violence against women in movies. Just because you’re a man who’s ‘fixed’ in a marriage doesn’t mean you go all out and play the opposite as catharsis. What is the example you’re setting for impressionable young people who look up to you as a role-model?
As Shirley Graham Du Bois, American-Ghanaian writer, playwright, composer, and activist for African-American causes, among others, asked:
“We are a race of artists. What are we doing about it?”
