In my earlier post, I wrote about the songs that held me together on the days no one prepares you for.
This is not that list.
This is for the days that came after.
The days when you try, imperfectly, to return to life.
I wouldn’t call it healing, because we aren’t there yet.
I wouldn’t even call it moving on because, how do you move on from something that was beautiful and shaped you into who you are today?
But you begin again, because the world doesn’t stop for anyone.
On those days, these are the songs that meet me there.
Songs for the First Attempt at Living Again
Everything still feels fragile…but you’re trying.
You Raise Me Up
If there’s one thing Ryan’s death has taught me is that independence is a myth. I would have been stranded in a foreign land if it were not for the help from family, friends, well-wishers, strangers – all who came forward through God’s intervention.
I wouldn’t see the light of the next day if it weren’t for the Creator’s will. Fully realising, I depend wholly on God, this song is my opener for this playlist. Bonus points because of the nostalgia. We attended Celtic Woman’s Christmas tour (2015) in Milwaukee, WI as a family.
The Power of Love
This was one of Ryan’s most favourite songs. He thought Jennifer Rush was just flawless as a singer in this singer, and Celine Dion’s version was just no match at all.
Sharing music was one of our love languages. What do you know? This was the last song I shared on WhatsApp with Ryan, barely a few days before he died. He left a heart emoji.
Hero
I grew up wondering what the fuss was all about Mariah Carey as a child. Until, I heard her sing “Hero”. That changed my opinion about her forever. While there are other Mariah Carey songs I love, this one tops the list for its self-belief message.
Shallow
It’s a song that will identify with people who’re tired of surface-level relationships, and courageous to dive into the deepest depths of relationships. It’s choosing raw emotional connections over performative shallow connections. It makes it to the list because my connections have always been real and meaningful, and will continue to hold true always. This is also a song which everyone in our family loves as well from Nadine to Ryan, and me.
Songs That Gently Bring You Back to Life
There is always hope even when life feels hopeless right now. But there’s no pressure to move forward soon. Just sit in your grief, wallow in it, and mourn as much as you want until you’re done and ready to stand…walk…run…play.
Forever Young
Ryan was a Rod Stewart fan and hear this song a lot. It’s a song about a father and child specifically, parent and child too, and two people who love each other generally.
“Forever Young” by Rod Stewart is a father’s blessing to his children, wishing them a life full of innocence, goodness, strength and—no matter how old they get— to remain spiritually “forever young”. Of course, the title also means the child will be “forever young” always in his heart.
I Have a Dream
Easily among my favourite ABBA songs, this song is about dreams and working towards them relentlessly and purposefully. But it’s not just ruthless ambition, it’s about seeing goodness around us—being the good.
“I Have a Dream, a fantasy
To help me through, reality
And my destination, makes it worth the while
Pushin’ through the darkness, still another mile.”
Wind Beneath My Wings
Another of Ryan’s firm favourite, he loved the song as he found it meaningful.
Ryan’s always been my biggest support and cheerleader. He was so proud of all my idealistic dreams, and let me pursue them without a care. And vice versa too. I was so proud of him, not for materialistic pursuits, but his constant endeavour to be a better human being. He’d take personal accountability, and that is a rare trait in today’s times.
“Did you ever know that you’re my hero
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings.”
Love Is All Around
This song was constantly on my mind in January this year. Even more so, after watching “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” on my flight back to Hyderabad from Boston.
Even though Ryan’s death wasn’t the outcome I wanted, I was surrounded by so much love generously poured by people from all corners of life, and faiths. Even merely listening to people’s account of Ryan led me to the firm belief that nothing else matters in the world other than love. That’s all you’ll carry forward when you exit this world. The love you had for others, showed, and did in action with a generosity of spirit.
So, even if you feel alone right now, look around. Love is all around.
Love really is all around.
“I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
Love that’s all around me
And so the feeling grows.”
Songs About Strength You Didn’t Know You Had
Resilience might not feel like strength yet—but it is. You’re pushing forward despite all life’s odds against you.
Purple Rain
Prince was another of Ryan’s favourite artists, and he’d play “Purple Rain” on repeat in his final days. It’s also among the songs I played in the hospital for him.
It feels almost prophetic Ryan was listening to this song so much in his final days. On repeat two to three to four times at one go. And this is a long song, mind you! Nearly 8 minutes.
Looking back, a lot of things feel prophetic now—a sort of foreshadowing that his time on earth was coming to a close—oblivious to both of us back then.
“Purple Rain” has imagery in the music video depicting a purple sky raining down with Christian symbolism like baptism or an emotional cleansing. It’s symbolic of the washing away of sins, hurt, and ego—so something beautiful and eternal can remain.
The song’s part farewell, part redemption, and part spiritual release.
It turns an imperfect love that’s marked by forgiveness and a painful goodbye—into spiritual cleansing and transcendence—where both can be healed, saved, and laugh again.
‘Letting go’ on the physical plane—in exchange for transcending into something higher and greater—for their common good on a spiritual plane marks the theme.
“Purple Rain” is powerful because it takes heartbreak and turns it into something uplifting: hopeful, majestic, and victorious. It’s also ambitious and selfless in its goals for wanting both of them to bathe in the beautiful purple rain—be spiritually cleansed, free, and happy for eternity.
“I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted, one time, to see you laughing
I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain.
I only want to see you bathing in the purple rain”
I Will Always Love You
I’ve grown up watching the Whitney Houson version for the movie “Bodyguard,” until I came across Dolly Parton’s original song a few years ago. I prefer Dolly’s version more now since she wrote the song, and rendered it so lovingly and tenderly. I cannot think of anyone else other than Ryan when I close my eyes and hear this song.
Forever and Always
This one is for sentiment purposes. This is what my brother shared in our family WhatsApp group right after Ryan died. Need I say more that Ryan will be loved and remembered forever and always.
“’Cause I’m keeping you forever and for always.”
Messy
Love and grief are messy things. When you’re neck deep in it, things are bound to be messy for a while, until you get the hang of things, and work around it. Until you get there, there’ll be unsolicited advice on moving on and stop grieving.
But grief looks different on different people. There’s no set timeline or frame or cycle. You’ll have to stand up for yourself to just be yourself, heal at your pace, and be messy during the whole process. You are not going to be at your polished best self while you navigate through the highs and lows of grief waves. Embrace all the emotional upheavals and contradictions without shame and guilt. You’re still standing despite it all…still trying to move forward. Kudos to you!
“’Cause I’m too messy, and then I’m too f**&ing clean
You told me, “Get a job”, then you ask where the hell I’ve been
And I’m too perfect ’til I open my big mouth
I want to be me, is that not allowed?”
Songs That Reconnect You to the World
For when you’re stepping outside and feeling the sun on you again. Slowly.
Breathless
Andrea Corr was one of Ryan’s celebrity crushes. The Corrs remind me of him.
“Breathless” is my gentlest re-entry into life after grief. When you’re ready to breathe again emotionally and socially, this light, forward-moving, sweetly romantic song is perfect listening.
Ride to Agadir
This is Ryan’s favourite Boney M. song. I grew up listening to their music, but I only discovered this track after he introduced it to me.
Unlike their more familiar disco-leaning hits, “Ride to Agadir” carries a different energy—cinematic, almost narrative in its movement. It feels less like a dance track and more like a journey unfolding.
Once you close your eyes and let the music flow through your veins, you’ll pulsate with energy with its revolutionary tone, escapist feeling, while rooted in urgency, and forward momentum
It’s the perfect listening that carries you forward even when you are not entirely ready to go.
Baby When You’re Gone
This is a song we both loved. Ryan dedicated it to me twice when we were living in different countries.
This was our go-to song in those in-between moments of missing each other. But the hope of meeting again in the future always kept us waiting for our next meeting.
That feeling hasn’t changed. The destination looks different now, but the longing to connect and meet again remains, in a different realm and timeline.
As It Was
The song wraps the ache of the past and bittersweet loneliness in an upbeat groove. In a gently sorrowful voice, Styles sings of metamorphosis: embracing change, letting go of your former self, and accepting that nothing is the same anymore.
It’s not grief—it’s the after. It’s the displacement, quiet nostalgia, and learning the new shape of life.
Drinkee
This hypnotic, playful song is a reminder that life is not only remembered or processed—it is still happening. After past memory, distance, and change comes the simple truth that you are still here, and life is still happening. The song doesn’t ask you to remember or reflect. Only to move.
Physically grounded in life’s realities and joyfully alive in spirit, it brings you back into rhythm, into body, into the now.
All rhythm and body—no reflection, no looking back. Just pure forward motion pulling you into the present.
Songs You Carry With You (From Before and Still)
For the love that never left—only changed form. Quiet, constant, and unbreakable.
Always on My Mind
This song is a gentle ache of love and regret for everything left unsaid. It’s not a song of loss, but of realisation—of love that was deeply felt yet never fully expressed, because the years were suddenly cut short.
Deeply reflective, yet soft with tenderness, I carry this song from before… along with its lingering promise:
“I will always be thinking of you.”
Green, Green Grass of Home
A tender illusion of return—the ache of walking back through the door you can never truly reopen. It captures the deep pull of home, childhood, roots, and the life you once belonged to.
The song isn’t just nostalgia, but a powerful emotional anchor: the home that now exists only in memory.
Where Do I Begin
Sharing music videos has been one of the love languages between Ryan and me. He always had superior taste in music, with his elegance, sophistication, and knowledge. So it was a learning experience for me every time he shared a song I’d never even heard of.
Anyway, last night I was thinking of Ryan—which is pretty much all the time. One of my favourite love songs popped up: “Where Do I Begin” from the Love Story movie. I smiled thinking how the actor’s name was Ryan too, and not just that—he looked so similar to him, especially when I first met him with his golden curly hair, which I endearingly dubbed “Caesar’s locks.” In the story, it’s the female protagonist who dies first, unlike in our real-life story.
This morning, as I came out of the optical shop after collecting my new eyeglasses for home use, the instrumental version of “Where Do I Begin” from Love Story was playing in the background. All the while, I was thinking of Ryan, like always. I had to do a double take to make sure it was the same song. And it was!
Like God, Ryan seems omnipresent, peculiarly closer than ever before post his death.
Erasure
This used to be one of my favourite songs while growing up. I’d wait for it to come on MTV. Years later, I found out it was also one of Ryan’s favourite songs. It suddenly popped up on my YouTube feed and reminded me of our shared love for the song. The symbolism now holds a completely different meaning for me.
To me, it has become a song about commitment without physical presence. It carries the emotional continuity of “still here, still loving”—and not about loss or recovery. It’s about an unbreakable bond. Ryan is my angel on Earth and beyond, forever.
Chalte Chalte Mere Yeh Geet
This song feels like walking through life with Ryan’s hand still in mine, even though I can’t see him anymore.
It’s not about saying goodbye or finding closure. It’s not about finding questions and seeking answers. It’s not just sitting with old memories, and it’s not simple nostalgia either. It’s the quiet ache of moving forward while refusing to leave him behind—carrying our laughter, our unfinished conversations, and all the love that death couldn’t take away.
Every step hurts, yet every step still holds him close.
Not Moving On, Just Moving—With
Learning to live past grief and loss requires immense resolve.
That motivation can often come from beautiful memories of the past.
Sometimes those can come in the form of songs.
This is a highly personal custom playlist that I tune into—
for moving forward while treasuring the past in my heart.
Isn’t that what new beginnings are all about?
Honouring your past, living in the moment, and leaving the future in God’s hands.
This post is a part of Blogchatter A2Z Challenge 2026.
