Recently, an old interview of Neetu Kapoor re-surfaced on social media. It justifies her husband Rishi Kapoor’s alleged physical infidelity.
She says in it that initially, she would argue about it until she gave up and said, “Go ahead, let’s see how long you can do it.” That she’s made peace because she knows family will always come first for him. He’s too reliant on her, and will never leave her for another woman. Also, that she believes “men ought to enjoy independence, as they’re naturally flirtatious and can’t be restrained.”
Alia Bhatt, also Neetu Kapoor’s daughter-in-law, shared in one of her interviews on Koffee with Karan that emotional infidelity is a deal breaker for her in a relationship.
Ranbir Kapoor shared in his interview with cousin Kareena Kapoor Khan that there are no rules in love. You can’t say what’s right and wrong. He believes in love, as happiness needs to be shared. But he added there’s no hard and fast rule you have to be married, and have children. You can be in an open relationship, live-in relationship, and any kind of relationship. As long as you’re honest with yourself and your partner, love has no rules.
Here’s why their statements on love and marriage don’t sound too convincing to me
The Kapoor khandaan, which is known for their traditional family values, is curiously progressive only for their men. It started with Raj Kapoor, as he was rumoured to have been in many extramarital affairs with his actresses. The other men in the Kapoor family followed suit.
Meanwhile, the women, for a long while, had to give up their careers if they wanted to marry a Kapoor man. The unspoken rule to become a Kapoor bahu was to be virgin-like and devoted to the family after marriage. All this while turning a blind eye to the husband’s cheating ways. Neetu Singh was no exception.
I also find it hypocritical how cheating husbands are conveniently forgiven under the excuse that there was no emotional infidelity involved. But how many of these philandering husbands would be cool and forgiving of their wives cheating on them?
Is patriarchy a convenient arrangement to keep marriages intact?
Underneath all their sweet definitions and outlook on love and marriage and keeping up the dumb charades, there’s the big, ugly head of patriarchy.
The relationship between the wife and the other woman is the 500 Watt amplified clone of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. In such selectively permissive and progressive marriages, you have two women vying for the love and attention of one man, who becomes the centre of their lives.
In most extra-marital affairs, even among elite sections, the ‘other’ woman will remain just that—the other woman with lesser or no powers. There are few exceptions here, such as Helen and Rani Mukerji, where they got their due respect and power from their family.
For many men in the film industry, their marriages are still going strong despite their many alleged affairs. The wives remain loyal, upholding tradition, some even doing the “Karva Chauth” for their abusive, cheating husbands. Their husbands continue to cheat for as long as they can before the wives transition into the role of their caregivers in their old age.
Whichever way you look at it, you have two women pitted against each other to loathe and distrust. One is the good wife and the other the evil home breaker. While men get away with infidelity most times, it’s always the women who get hurt, as they’re controlled in a system that exploits their body, mind, and spirit.
Why Neetu Kapoor’s statement about men and infidelity is problematic
I don’t endorse Neetu Kapoor’s views as seen in this recent tweet (screenshots below), as it promotes patriarchy and abuse.
The message she sent across is that it’s okay for men to cheat on their wives as long as they can. That despite being hurt about it initially, your wife will eventually accept it. That’s encouraging men to be tone deaf to their partner’s feelings and being disrespectful towards them, even violence.
As per reports, Neetu Kapoor filed for domestic violence and left the house. She started a saloon, but later returned to the Kapoor household to mend her marriage. While it’s good for them that their marriage became better and stronger, her old advice is clearly problematic. I hope Neetu Kapoor doesn’t feel the same way now about giving freedom to men to cheat on their wives.
But going by her ‘Joru Ka Ghulam’ statement after Ranbir and Alia’s marriage, I doubt if she’s stepped away from her regressive outlook on marriage.
Love is tough and marriage is tougher. It’s a lot of hard work. But so far, it’s only been the women who’ve been doing all the work—upholding tradition, being the good and loyal wife, selfless caregiver, and even earning money. What have the husbands been doing apart from doing the basic minimum as husbands and fathers? Freedom can’t be the domain for just the husbands and responsibility for the wives.
Neetu’s old interview reminds us how money and power don’t change sexist mindsets. Patriarchy is obvious and straightforward in the lower economic classes. But it’s all so veiled and pretentious when you go higher on the social ladder. I think misogyny is even more rampant in the elite classes despite the outward progressiveness, as the stakes are much higher up there.
Images source: Instagram
