“Mummy! Why do you have to be so nice all the time? Why can’t you be like X’s mom and have a meanie expression on your face?
“Mummy, why can’t we show-off too?”
These are some questions my daughter asked over the last few years.
She basically wanted us to throw some attitude. You know, like strutting around and having our noses high-up-in-the air.
“Well, that’s not me!” has remained my standard answer.
Before I explain my perspective, here’s the backdrop.
This incident happened when my daughter was nine years. About to burst into tears, she exclaimed,
“Mummy, Y is spreading lies about me behind my back? Why is she doing that?” Y was her classmate in elementary school.
“Hmmmm! Did you say or do something bad to her?”
“No! She tells me I over-act. That I am a liar and have never been to America. That my accent is all fake.”
“Perhaps she’s jealous or insecure. You continue being yourself. And you don’t have to be liked by everyone either. Some people will simply not like you, no matter how good you are. It’s their problem, not yours. Stop crying, my baby!”
“I can’t. She’s telling my best friend not to talk to me. I so want to punch Y.”
“Hmmm! Wait a minute! Let’s call your best friend and sort out all matters. And if she’s truly your best friend, you don’t have to worry. Also, welcome to the real world! Haha!”
A few days later, one early morning, Nadine walks in groggily to the kitchen, exclaiming loudly, “I’m hopeless!”
“What happened?”, I ask.
“Why am I born like this? Even in my dreams, I’m so nice. I dreamt Y snatched away my best friend, and I did nothing. I did not kick or punch her…nothing.”
I couldn’t help feeling amused. But my teeny-weeny heart swelled with pride.
I didn’t think she was being a coward. Rather, I found it was a smart move. Why invest in energy vampires?
My aim as a parent has always been to pass on the traits I saw, learned and imbibed from my parents. Those have been kindness, humility and sobriety.
To this day, my parents are my grounding force. Every time I go on a heady trip, they are the first ones to give me a reality check and I couldn’t be more thankful.
I must admit, though, it’s not been easy trying to pass on good old-fashioned values to my child in the uber-cool modern digital age.
I know there are many things my child has faced that she wouldn’t have shared with me. Surely, her story of being bullied because of her kind heart wouldn’t have been easy.
My daughter is a bit more grown-up and in high school. Today she understands well the difference between constructive criticism that comes from a place of good intent and malicious comments meant to tear you apart, owing to deep-seated insecurity.
Being older and wiser now, she’s learning discernment and setting boundaries for one’s good. How other people’s actions and words should never affect our peace of mind or make us act out of character. How there’s always your tribe of humans, animals, birds, and other universal divine forces, rooting for you, who’ll love and accept you just the way you are!
She’s finally learnt that –
Kindness is not weakness, but your superpower.
And it starts from being kind to yourself first.
